It was a Wednesday, when Riley saw the dead pigeon. Unlike her friend who was with her at the time and openly expressed her disgust and discomfort, Riley felt a happiness that seemed to fill her entire being with pure and complete satisfaction.
Riley did not ever feel this way before, and she began to create opportunities like this, whereby she could see the carcass of a rotting pigeon and feel alive at the sight of the death of a helpless bird.
Four Wednesdays later, when Riley’s mother knocked on her bedroom door, she expected the usual sight of her daughter sleeping soundly in her blue bed.
Instead, she was greeted by the sight of Riley’s corpse floating in a pool of blood, surrounded by numerous pigeon feathers.
I’ve been meaning to do a lot of things, and never getting around to doing them, because like every blissfully ignorant teenager, I think I have my whole life to do things I want to. I think the main reason we procrastinate stuff on our mental bucket list is because we’re either too lazy or too afraid. I’ve always, always wanted to write, to put my thoughts out there for the world to notice and maybe even appreciate. But, even with a platform like blogging available to me, I still chose to wait. At first, it was because I was lazy. When I stepped into college, it was because I discovered people far more talented at writing than I ever hoped to be, and insecurity took over. I am still insecure about my talents.
So, I don’t know why I’ve started blogging now. Perhaps it’s because I am going through a major loss in my life right now, and I’m realising things about myself and the life I had planned out. I am slowly gaining clarity, and looking at everything I thought was a given in my life from a whole new perspective. I’m a different girl now, no longer the innocent, happy-go-lucky geek I was in school, whose only concern in life was academics and parental approval. I’ve loved and lost, and now I don’t look at life with the same optimism anymore. I’ve become practical, I always was, but now more so. I know that life is not full of silver linings and happy endings and sometimes there’s only darkness at the end of the tunnel. I know that to get by, to achieve some sort of happiness, you have to toughen up and be a little careful instead of rushing into everything with a giddy, childlike hope.
So it is this new mental makeup of mine, that has prompted me to take a risk and get on with doing things I want to. Don’t let this morose post deceive you, I am a very fun person who still believes in her dreams and hopes for a better day, everyday.
Even when the world is in shambles, I will continue to ramble.